you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
as a side note pls kill me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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