Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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