oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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