I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize