We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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