new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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