Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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