Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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