What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize