I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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