he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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I will pee on everything he values.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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