Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
