i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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