I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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