i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize