You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
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3 2 1 whiskey
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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