Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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