i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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