she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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