I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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