I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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