got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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