Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize