i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize