also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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