and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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