I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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