is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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