I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize