I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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