im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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