Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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