I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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