My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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