I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize