well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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