So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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