well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize