Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize