just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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