Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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