Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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