I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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