You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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