cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize