6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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