Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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