don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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