"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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