Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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