I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize